GILDED

I know what to show / And what to conceal No one ever died from wanting too much
The world is not enough -garbage 

img_4920Pattie Pat Pats… -sigh- you did it again…

Yes, this is obviously late dear hearts. I had to give myself a week to digest what exactly happened. I’ve watched the tale of the tape a few times, and realized I missed something quite special, while I was in someplace quite special.

Truth is not only was my heart in Paris my-self was too. I found a way with my pretty friend, to watch the first half up until halftime, when everyone went Gaga. Until that point, I wasn’t going Gaga. I thought, well maybe the Pats are done and my fantasy may come true.

I had to sleep. I had a train to catch the next AM to London. Europe doesn’t hold its schedule for a femme who loves her American games.

The texts I woke up to hours later were priceless…
“What a game!”
“Wow… just wow” 
“Boo… can’t believe that happened” 

I immediately tapped my apps to figure out just WTF (what the football) had just happened hours earlier. 636219326615899498-usp-nfl-super-bowl-li-new-england-patriots-vs-atl

I was stunned… but not really. As a Jets fan, we know how those boys to the north find ways to win, and Coach Belichick has his own fifty shades of control drawn up for every team, tapping into his inner voyeur spying analyzing them.

Although the Hot-lanta Falcons were giving the Pats a taste of how fiery they were, I became concerned how their man to man D could continue playing as intense, as they had so far. Let’s face it dear hearts, you would be exhausted too if you had to chase around receivers x, y, z and the greatest QB of all time. Not an easy task, let alone the biggest game of your life that lasts longer, and is far more heavy than any of the other 16 games, and playoffs you’re already exhausted from playing.

Tommy boy proved my thinking to be right where it needed to be.

Enter Julian Eldelman, who’s not only my trainer’S BFF, he also catched that catch, bringing me to my knees and tears to my eyes. Paris heard me say “OOHHHH LA LA!!!”  That play was both glorious and hurtful.

The game was Magnifique!  Who needs the Mona Lisa or a Monet? This is football!

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Could we stop what we’re doing this moment, to give Coach Sark a congratulatory clap for his quick comeback? Hollywood couldn’t have written a better script. From getting fired at USC, to battling alcoholism, Sark has been not only been an OC for Alabama, he’s now the newly appointed OC for the Falcons. Maybe Lame Kiffin should take a page from Sark’s book.

Looks like the offseason won’t be boring. Keep it coming gents.

Cheers,

x|o FFF

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C’EST LA VIE

 

Ready. Aim. Fire. 29906170001_5283644839001_usp-nfl-nfc-divisional-green-bay-packers-at-dalla

What we witnessed Sunday dear hearts, when Mr Rodgers walked into Dallas’ neighborhood with his fire-arm. Dusting off the Cowboys, and their non-defense, like the snow he shovels out of his driveway.

This weekend of NFL divisional playoffs demonstrated the key to win is, have a solid QB. Big Ben, Matty Ice, Tommy Boy, and definitely not that big Houston bust, Brocky Boy.

Let’s give Dak credit, for performing so terribly in the first half, his stats nearly mirrored A-Rodg’s. Try to stay calm that HC Garrett doesn’t want to officially name who his starter will be next season. If he did, what fun would that be? We would have less to question and / or talk about. Perspective darlings, always keep it in mind.

I noticed the ‘boys MLB Sean Lee can’t play all corners of the field and continue to drop back. He definitely gave it a good shot. Jerry needs to learn from another owner how to make your GM get you two corners. Hint, tear off two corners of a napkin and pass along. Brilliant

Lay-Ve-On-it i

The new femme verbiage for Leveon Bell, the Steelers running beast, or RB. Good description of why he needs to touch the ball when the other Steelers threat, Antonio Brown isn’t posting a live feed in the team’s postgame huddle.

Speaking of the real NFL reality star Travis Kelce, his Irish temper flared up. Can you blame him? If one call made the decision of an outcome for all playoff games this weekend, the holding penalty against the Chiefs OT for the 2-point conversation was it.

Oh, and the Pattie pat pats won. (Eye roll) Some habits die hard. So dear football gods, this is my request for a Packers / Steelers SB.

Blame it on the Rams for leading the charge. Here comes a another team to my dear city. url

I have zero respect for a team who blew smoke in the eyes of their beloved fans, taking a page out of the former Baltimore Colts, (pulling off an unexpected overnight relocate in ’84 from Baltimore to Indy) how to relocate and make your fan base loathe you, overnight.

Since we believe in discussing unfair advantages here, lets flip to the business side. This move was genius.
Depending what personal beliefs you subscribe to, capitalism may be a pretty or ugly word. This move was all about the capital. The starter 30K seat stadium, along with gate receipts, (concessions, merchandise, tickets and that suite life) will be incredible numbers for not only the team, also The League.

Remember dear hearts, NFL teams split their revenue, which is the key in all of this craziness, equating to a solid strategic move for The League hitting that $25 BILLION revenue target Goodie Bear wants to achieve by 2027.

In short, we saw a Billionaire playboy who was married for 54 years, leave his long-term old thing, for the smoking hot new thing, and eventually making his bank account grow.

I have a little feeling, the Chargers will find a way to be the next Hard Knocks team.

 

Cheers,

x|o FFF

BUSTED

Oh the weather outside is frightful
But the fire is so delightful
And since we’ve no place to go
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

Last post, I brought up the Redskins playing risk with their potential playoff situation, who made my naughty list, including the BS bowl games that are not worth yours or my precious time. Also the intense criticism against Christian McCaffery and Leonard Fournette’s decisions to not play in their BS games, and prep for the NFL.

cspglw-wiaa1p1hA few posts ago I mentioned the NY Giants looked like a paper tiger, and to not allow their record fool you. Dear hearts, TNF made me look like a football genius. 


The Eagles flew right by those silly men who thought they are big. The D with out JPP looked lifeless, and OBJ in his now viral post game meltdown, provides nice examples that a team is not worth their record. 

Let me tell you a little story, a few years ago after the niners lost in the super bowl, my friend’s son, had one of the most epic meltdowns my little eyes have ever witnessed. In one motion he threw down his niners hat, while melting onto his knees. Tears streamed down his cheeks. He screamed “noooooo”.

I’ll admit, I was very uncomfortable. Last Thursday that uncomfortable feeling came back, watching OBJ at night.

He was channeling this little boy, who had everything he asked for, except he wanted the box the toy came in, his mother threw in the garbage. He growled, then threw this forehead into a wall.

Not.Cute. 

December 24 was another sunny day in LA. As a nice little start before my holiday travel, I took in the Packers and Vikings. Mr December, yes that’s Aaron Rogers, has shown us how his stats can only grow during this month.

img_4658A Christmas Miracle arrived in Cleveland, and it wasn’t because of LeBron. The Brownies won! Then heartbreak hit later.

Who’s list grew faster, the NFL IR or Santa’s? That wasn’t a trick question.

The world came crashing down for the Raiders, Titans and Seahawks. Each saw their respective team aces break things and require season-ending surgeries. I’m guessing that’s not what they wanted for Christmas, Hanukkah or the New Year. 

Raiders HC Del Rio was the star in the most somber press conference after a win. The nightmare isn’t over. While it’s never a great time to lose your leader, this was really poor timing football gods. Playoff-worthy, must-win games versus the Chiefs + the Broncos are set over the next two weeks for the Raiders. Brace yourself Raider Nation, it could be happiness or disaster. 

img_4521Well just paint my sole red! Oh, it already was. Here’s a little tip, no matter how terrible the Steelers or Ravens have played during the season, their matchup is always one to watch. A nice defensive battle, ticking down to a last-second-who-will-win play. No one, not even three Ravens defenders could block the catch thrown to Steelers, you can’t touch this,WR Antonio Brown.

Next came the Chiefs putting the axe down on the Donkeys. Oh, you didn’t know I loathe the Broncos? Now you do, and that’s for Boise State too.

The Chiefs are the Chief team to watch in the NFL right now, besides the Cowboys, in my little opinion. I’m not saying this since each have premiere tight ends, solid o-lines, and lockdown DBs. Well, maybe that’s why they should be watched for your viewing pleasure.

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Speaking of the Cowboys, Monday night was a little delight. The first 30 minutes provided the best chess match up on turf all week. Then the roaring stopped in the second half, and the game moved into boring status. I saw one person on the Lions D, zig and zagging, his name is Ziggy Ansah after all, and was the only defender attempting to wrap up Dak, Zeke, and Dez. At least the Dallas D finally made their appearance.

Pass protection of Dak is awe-inspiring. Really, O-line coaches should be making an o-face happy face, and asking how can I do that, watching what Dallas has done.

You may have noticed I didn’t mention anything college football-related. Good catch, Friday I will preview my little thoughts and opinions around the start of the Playoff, also the Orange and Rose Bowls. All will be stunning for yours and my little eyes to see.

greed-whiskeyMy affair with whiskey was enhanced in Park City. There’s a nice little ski-in / out distillery I had the pleasure of savoring, before jetting back to reality. Who says you can’t drink in Utah?

Cheers,

x|o FFF

LIGHT IT UP 

Hold on to the end, that’s what I intend to do. I’m hopelessly devoted to you

Olivia Newton John

Last post I caught us up on the Chiefs making the Raiders look like they were back in  2013, my favorite position, how the Heisman voters made me a very happy lady, and one very Lame Kiffin. 

Last Thursday night, who needed Christmas lights as the Seahawks lit up our homes.

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Would have been shameless fun for the lights to go out, like another game we remember, to see if those uni’s would glow. How fun would that be? Glow football… I have fantasies too you know.

Monday night, Redskins corner Josh Norman was definitely 1:1 with no safety help, like Jay Z said, and that’s not a compliment. Cam Newton looked like he did two seasons ago with his impressive performance. Distributing the ball to one of my favorite tight ends, Greg Olsen and passing deep to Ted Ginn Jr (he’s still around?!). They came and they slayed.  

With the Redskins out of the playoff picture, I’m not positive their QB Kirk Cousins will receive the payday he’s been yelling about. Do we need to remind him that playing football is a privilege, like he mentioned in the little speech he gave while in college at MSU?

What rhymes with 2016? Oh, and sixteen.

When I feel a little sad for being a Jet’s fan, I’m reminded of the Browns. They found themselves on my naughty list this year, as well as a few other lovely unwatchable teams, like the Jags, 49’ers, Jets, Rams and The Bears.

Oh and one more made my naughty list this year, Non-playoff bowl games.

The Bowl S**t games, (giggle or roll your eyes. I like to give you options dear heart, you’re welcome), give us something to talk about, and those people who give us the pre-season Top 25, something to base their rankings off of, and not do their homework.

We know the disguise these BS games stand for, Show Me the Money.

img_4317I don’t appreciate the attempts of clever statements that are just plain dirty. I have to nurse a glass of neat, after hearing, people want to watch! It gives the players something to play for!

You’re telling me that a 20-year old really wants to take a vacation to Boise, ID to play one last game in the Potato Bowl? Oh, and the coaches do too? It’s like this guy last week who told me he has ocean front property in Arizona. I’m about to roll on the floor in a fit of giggles, without someone tickling me.

Want to know what these little bowls also provide? Ca$h money to the other teams in their conference. Similar to the NFL and their revenue sharing model, colleges and universities are guilty of sharing their money too, honey.

A long, long time ago (2007) when Boise State won over Oklahoma in the Fiesta bowl, all non-big boy school conference commissioners decided it would be a fine idea to pull a Robin Hood, and distribute the proceeds across ALL of the non-big boy schools… WTF.

Yes, another what the football moment.

Suddenly that milli was not going to the team who actually won the game, but Southern Mississippi State, Appalachian State, and (insert here) University we had never ever heard of.

The only BS I licked my lips over and considered canceling dinner plans for, San Diego State vs Houston, wasn’t worth it.

In more college football-related news, now that Lame Kiffin is out, Sark is back, as the new Bama OC. Remember, Lame Kiffin’s desire is to be a HC of a school no one wants to watch. Seems about right.

Oh, the millennial generation is being selfish again, or this is what some old school football voices are saying.

Several coaches, and others have openly criticized LSU’s Leonard Fournette and Christian McCaffery of Stanford, for skipping their BS games, to prep for their next move in their lives, going pro.

Let me pose the real question, who’s the real selfish one in this debate, player or coach?

I find these comments easy to say, from men who’s bodies aren’t beat up after every game, and have a little cash in the bank to provide for those they love or want to love.

It’s a shrewd business move for a player who’s pro career will have an average life of <4 years. Think about that for a moment…

Now, what’s so wrong with an football player doing the same as his coach? That’s being a business-man.

Coaches stretch the truth and leave all the time. Remember when Saban told us he wasn’t leaving the Dolphins for Bama? Silly old non-saint Nick.

79gKCwl50jhaXiXC7-8u8haRp8rq4L1xYI2K1CajfQ8Keep your emotions in check that a player has his own interests in mind, and should after being devoted to his school, and assisting them to victory. LSU and Stanford’s wins were on the backs (pun intended) of Fournette and McCaffery.

Now off Utah I go… ’tis the season to be merry, although that’s not my name.

Cheers,

x|o FFF

#mcm – Jerry Jones

Like my last #mcm post, the Michigan Man, this post will take notice to a very well-known name. Similar to the MM, Mr Jones’ team can’t be missed, if you enjoy watching America’s Pastime just like we do here.

Now you may scoff, roll your eyes or say, of course that guy. So let’s take one of those deep breaths together and admit, The League (NFL) would be a little less interesting without this man.

We crave good characters to give us a reason to love or hate something, and take part in building a good story. Jerry is a character with panache, does things big, and with a near-perfect accent too.

Quoting NYT Mag piece about the NFL. “He can also be irresistibly fun, with a big taste for Scotch, a gleam in his icy aqua eyes and a penchant for stem-winding parables that he will often stumble over but that will still make a strange kind of sense.”

Just like how he would pronounce Los Angeles, when the Rams relocation was up for discussion with the team owners?

Yes, just like that dear hearts.

Dallas is known by the nickname the Big D, which is the perfect setting for a man who likes big things, who owns one of the most coveted things to buy when you make big money, a football team. img_4315

Jones wanted to be a coach, due to his deep love of the game. He’s only one of two League owners who actually played football.

What stopped him from coaching? The amount coaches were paid, and discovering he could instead own a team and call the shots, like the current titles he holds, Owner/President/General Manager.

Can’t get any more boss, this-team-is-mine-I’m-the-one in-charge, than that.

How did Jerry get to where he is today? Risks. He was quoted once as saying, “I’m a big proponent of risk. The problem is when you take too much of it for not enough gain.”

Some can’t handle risk. That’s not Jerry. He takes risks to keep the transactional blood flowing in his veins, and while sometimes those risks haven’t served him well, he keeps moving along, like the capitalist he is, constantly calculating numbers of what he will gain. That’s a business, man.

He’s been called an NFL visionary, finding ways to add more to the bottom-line and give The League more revenue.

Give the man credit for keeping a non-winning team, minus this season, relevant.

Everyone knows who the DALLAS COWBOYS are.

Now Jerry is giving those nearly two decade, non-playoff making, 8-8 seasons a little Dak, with a nice tight end, and  solid o-line protection, realizing the Lombardi could be within his grasp to caresss and sleep with at night, which would ultimately lead to what he really wants: being called a smart football man.

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Only fitting Jones’ bevvy of choice would involve the word blue. It’s Johnny Walker Blue.

With his glass of whiskey, enjoying a honky tonk or several, he knows how to have a good time, and gracious enough to buy everyone a drink  at the whole bar.

So it’s no surprise the legend is, after Jerry bought the Cowboys he laid down in the middle of the star on the field and started making the snow angel motion.

Now you know one of my goals in life, laying in the middle of the Cowboys Star. Snow angel motion not included.

Tonight as I enjoy a glass of neat, I’ll solute the owner of America’s Team, and his charming, self-deprecating, hilarious and curious, every drawled word slow-roasted in that Arkansas molasses, just like Don Van Natta, Jr of ESPN said. 

Cheers,

x|o FFF

Don’t Let Me Down

Last post I caught us up to date on the Playoff picture, that the Jets loss on MNF was my nightmare before Christmas, and I would love a new team as my holiday prezzy. I was also very much looking forward to the game of the year on TNF, the Raiders and Chiefs.

By the powers of the NFL + Twitter, Thursday night meant I could have my nails done, while watching the object of my desire, the Oakland Raiders on my little phone. Technology I cannot live without you.

The Chiefs D made Carr, and all his receiving weapons look like each of them were missing their abilities. I was so impressed. I’m also guilty of not looking much in Travis Kelce’s way, the Chiefs chief TE, so I decided to look up his stats. Google informed me Catching Kelce was not something I was not only yelling telling the Raiders D, but a show on E!

Want to know how much of a reality TV femme I am? Hint, it’s next to none.

Football, yes. The Bachelor, no.

In the near future I’ll post what I like to answer anyone who asks, what’s my favorite position… tight end. They are quite nice, and need to be used more, which lucky for me, have been used in several offenses across the league this season.   tightend_position

It’s always a little dull on Saturdays when the college football season has said bye, I’m leaving for another year. 

I saved up my hopes for Saturday night , that Lamar Jackson would win the Heisman. When he did, I felt like Clark Griswold after his lights finally turn on.

high-west-distillery-yippee-ki-yay-blended-straight-rye-whiskey-utah-usa-10738181This glass is to you Heisman voters, Yippee Ki Yay! No really, the glass I poured to honor the Heisman winner Saturday, really was High West’s Yippee Ki Yay Whiskey. 

Knock, knock…

Who’s there? It’s Lane. Lame? No Lane. Lame?

Yes, very lame, Lane Kiffin

(autocorrect please… don’t stop providing me with endless ideas)

A torched couch by the local Volunteers, in front of his family’s home in Knoxville, can’t keep Lane away from his head coaching dreams. I’m shaking my head, really trying to undress what it is Lane wants… 

I may need to put on a pot of bourbon to help me type through this situation…

Lane provides us an updated persona to associate with #winning.

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He’s had not one, not two, but three, tres, trois – coveted HC positions.

We’ve heard the saying, torch your past bridges to light the one in front of you. Lane has done that with perfection… straight to FAU

It wasn’t enough to be the youngest coach in the NFL coaching the Raiders, and later being called a liar by the owner Al Davis. Lane wasn’t scared, so he was off to charm Tennessee in the SEC. Once that wasn’t working, he chose to leave that one for a more pretty one, named USC. Surprise, surprise that didn’t work out either, as he was left on the tarmac on the plane ride home, without his things, when the pretty one said, this is done.

This is not a recap of your friend’s or my friend’s relations-it. This is the fabulous life of Lame Kiffin. This is the kind of reality TV I enjoy dear hearts.

This is a man who after winning a game, when being asked by the media, acts as though he just arrived in America, and doesn’t quite understand how to speak the english language into a camera. Simply, Borat would give a better post game interview.

Dear Lane, let’s have a little heart to heart and let me make a few points:

a). we’re all done with Saban

b) you have Coach O’s cell number 

c) you’re meant to be a OC at most

d) you’re not HC materiaL 

e) Baton Rouge is full of many pretty southern belle’s… who adore football

f) you’re single now

g) you’re not winning

h In Baton Rouge you would win!

The alphabet is tired , and so am I, and I didn’t run out of more reasons to give…

With these points dear Lane, tell the Owls you’re deeply sorry. You drunk dialed the athletic director, and oops said yes to something you really shouldn’t have. Say thank you, but no thank you. Then hang up and call Coach O. Do it now.

This kitty may need a cat nap after all of that and it’s only Tuesday. Never mind, let’s keep the good times rolling.

Dear Washington HC Peterson you may want to call this guy. He won by two touchdowns in his Bowl Game against your next opponent. Okay it was 2009 and Bama may not have been as loaded as they are now, but my little point is, he and his staff beat the Sabonator. And if you don’t have Sack Lake City on speed dial, may I suggest you do it now. We’re all counting on you to disrupt the path of the Boring Bama dynasty.

Oh the Jets…they won in overtime. (silence) Now, when can I see the GM board the plane and leave everyone on the tarmac to fulfill my Christmas wish? Don’t call me a grinch. This is the intervention us Jets fans need.

Sunday night gave us a glimpse into what may lie ahead for the NFC with the Giants / Cowboys matchup. Although the Cowboys lost, I’ve been impressed every time I watch a little Dak. He takes control, and he can’t do that without solid protection. Control? Protection? I want more… I’m talking about a nice QB and a solid O-line of course. 

Cheers,

x|o FFF

Showdown

Baby stay calm we don’t need another episode

Future

Oh my… now! Right there! Yes, no. Yes! Yes! That’s it!

bed-sheetsThat was me on Sunday AM, realizing the PST alarm wasn’t set for noon EST.

It’s difficult to tap that app when you’re first waking up.

How was that WTF weekend? That’s what the football, of course.

Ever felt as though trying to keep up with all this exhausting? Me neither. Let’s keep the good times rolling dear hearts.

The Playoff Chamber has spoken. The selections have been made. Oh dear, your team wasn’t chosen? Neither was mine. It’s simple, get better at football, win and be willing to play a solid out of conference schedule. 

As for the playoff I like to think in terms of what I like, quality. I’m also guilty of enjoying a hot, fabulous mess. Who doesn’t? Realize, hot messes are reserved for the season. They’re fun and quickly forgotten. Remember Iowa last year? Their QB was Beathard (literally) You want that again?

Uh huh honey, sure you do…

When trophies are involved, keep it classy and save the best for last. eyes-cant-watch

Sunday, was not quite bloody but it sure was nice. A few scores (Bills/Raiders, Chiefs/Falcons) kept nice and tight, just like Thursday night, and exactly what I like.

One word sums up the Jets season, disaster.

A real nightmare before Christmas. I saw Andrew Luck pop up when I was asleep last night. I couldn’t defend him. I felt hopeless. I can’t take this anymore.

So dear Jet’s owner Woody Johnson, and that wasn’t a double entendre I was intending, you’re really living up to your name in more ways than one, and that’s not a compliment. 

Santa, all I want for Christmas is for a new Jets team. Yes, a whole new team. Pretty please?

Which reminds me, it’s the season of angels.  One tried to make one, while these were my favorite from last night.

Now on to Thursday. Show me a good time Chiefs and Raiders.

Cheers,

x|o FFF