GILDED

I know what to show / And what to conceal No one ever died from wanting too much
The world is not enough -garbage 

img_4920Pattie Pat Pats… -sigh- you did it again…

Yes, this is obviously late dear hearts. I had to give myself a week to digest what exactly happened. I’ve watched the tale of the tape a few times, and realized I missed something quite special, while I was in someplace quite special.

Truth is not only was my heart in Paris my-self was too. I found a way with my pretty friend, to watch the first half up until halftime, when everyone went Gaga. Until that point, I wasn’t going Gaga. I thought, well maybe the Pats are done and my fantasy may come true.

I had to sleep. I had a train to catch the next AM to London. Europe doesn’t hold its schedule for a femme who loves her American games.

The texts I woke up to hours later were priceless…
“What a game!”
“Wow… just wow” 
“Boo… can’t believe that happened” 

I immediately tapped my apps to figure out just WTF (what the football) had just happened hours earlier. 636219326615899498-usp-nfl-super-bowl-li-new-england-patriots-vs-atl

I was stunned… but not really. As a Jets fan, we know how those boys to the north find ways to win, and Coach Belichick has his own fifty shades of control drawn up for every team, tapping into his inner voyeur spying analyzing them.

Although the Hot-lanta Falcons were giving the Pats a taste of how fiery they were, I became concerned how their man to man D could continue playing as intense, as they had so far. Let’s face it dear hearts, you would be exhausted too if you had to chase around receivers x, y, z and the greatest QB of all time. Not an easy task, let alone the biggest game of your life that lasts longer, and is far more heavy than any of the other 16 games, and playoffs you’re already exhausted from playing.

Tommy boy proved my thinking to be right where it needed to be.

Enter Julian Eldelman, who’s not only my trainer’S BFF, he also catched that catch, bringing me to my knees and tears to my eyes. Paris heard me say “OOHHHH LA LA!!!”  That play was both glorious and hurtful.

The game was Magnifique!  Who needs the Mona Lisa or a Monet? This is football!

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Could we stop what we’re doing this moment, to give Coach Sark a congratulatory clap for his quick comeback? Hollywood couldn’t have written a better script. From getting fired at USC, to battling alcoholism, Sark has been not only been an OC for Alabama, he’s now the newly appointed OC for the Falcons. Maybe Lame Kiffin should take a page from Sark’s book.

Looks like the offseason won’t be boring. Keep it coming gents.

Cheers,

x|o FFF

THE CHAMPAGNE CAMPAIGN

Looking like a damn football team / All in the same thing 
All repping one thing / Looking for Revenge -Drake 

Last post wasn’t about my New Year’s resolutions, instead how the Rose Bowl made me elicit every emotion possible. I was a little off about Clemson, and the only NFL wildcard game worth it’s time. 

How was that for you? I’m talking about last night… img_4908

Dear neighbors, this season is almost over and maybe my screaming will subside. I can’t promise anything.

Let me take you through, as we witnessed Saban get Dabo’d, in the 2017 National Championship. Sorry Rose Bowl, this may have been as good as you were. 

It started a little dull, after several three and outs, a defensive battle on both sides, Hurts was living up to his name for the Clemson D. I thought here we go again… Boring Bama, minus their defense. One word describes Bama’s D… Explosive 

This game felt like it was lasting way too long, and then… img_4365

~8:32 PM PST “Hell yes we have a game!” Oops… sometimes I can’t control myself. 

Deshaun Watson said he said he went HAM. We cannot disagree dear hearts, his stats prove it (36-of-56, 420 YDS, 3 TD; 1 RUSH TD). Clemson WR Mike Williams was in beast mode all game. Suddenly the Clemson offense opened up, with the D hitting bama hard. They kept it moving… all the way into the end zone, on a last-second play ! This is football! 

The Bama Bangs bowed their heads like it was Sunday. Let those tears roll. Congrats to Clemson – you did it! Rawr

Did you see that Bama cheerleader coach on the sideline? I’m a coach! I’m a coach! We get it. Quit waving your arms. Put them down. Cross them across your chest with a scowl on your face. Much better. 

I won’t discuss the ball-gate that occurred before this game. Remember what your mommas told you boys? Keep your hands to yourself.

Moving on to that pro life, some Giants were channeling their Lonely Island / T-Pain I‘m on a boat! in Miami, while Hoodie Billy B was keeping it real in Nantucket.

The Process associated with winning may not be sexy, but if you want to win, get comfortable with the uncomfortable. That means resisting the urge to Insta or tweet every little thing you do. It’s my gospel that the sin is in sharing, even when it’s too good not to. Keep the mystery alive.

Learn the habit of self-control.

Oh… I’m talking about a pro wide receiver. Never mind, you’re the only one exempt from my preaching. We need drama from you. We’re counting on NFL WR’s everywhere to continue end zone celebrations, wear those flashy cleats, pose on boats like it’s your rap album cover, and give yourselves outrageous names. I encourage all to channel their inner Ricky from Baller’s, so balance can remain in the NFL, and allow us to roll our eyes a little while giggling. 

After the Giants loss to the Packers, which shocking to no one, a Lambeau wall was the latest victim of The OBJ. Dear Goody Bear (Roger Goodell) let me purr in your ear this… Could you give one of those tents on the National Championship sideline to The OBJ? Us other NY football fans would thank you for it. 

A few key match ups this weekend toward the SB. screen-shot-2017-01-10-at-2-06-26-pm

I’m going to slap my little head if I have to hear about the Cowboys chances of winning the Super Bowl again. It’s called a fantasy. I experience them often.

Let’s keep calm until we see the Cowboys play the Packers this weekend. A-Rog showed us his gun on Sunday. Chances are likely it will be a high-scoring affair. Doesn’t it feel like the 90’s again?

2e21db36d00d8ea94f00dabf1f3767cdOne of these teams will be giving the other the bird, (I couldn’t help it) the Falcons / Seahawks on Sunday. Don’t overlook the Atlanta Falcons. They have been the dark bird of the NFL this season, not exactly the dirty bird they used to be, but have been playing fierce.

Seattle’s defense has been playing with a take-no-prisoners mentality, and say hello to their Bobby Wagner. Their ground game has taken a beating since Marshawn Lynch retired last season, leaving Wilson & Co to air out the offense. They have been using their TE Jimmy Graham a lot, which I like. He’s my favorite position. 

The S’hawks previous trips to the playoffs will be an asset. So will the ATL home crowd(ed) in the Georgia Dome for the other birds. Should be fun.  

Plan on the Pattie Pats, and the Chiefs to advance.

Cheers,

x|o FFF

GIVE IT TO ME

No I’ll stand my ground / Won’t be turned around /And I’ll keep this world from draggin’ me down
Gonna stand my ground -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers 

I wonder what my neighbors just thought… Screaming yes! yes! multiple times, check. Don’t put it in there, and Get in there, were definitely said. Just pound it in, was said many imagestimes.

I love sacks, yes I said that. Highly likely I screamed it too, because I do.   

I want it to Butt. Obviously… We know I prefer a nice Tight End, who’s last name is perfection for his position. 

And everything was tied together by a Oh my… What was that? No, no don’t stop. 

Dear hears, that’s what the Orange Bowl did to me this tonight. It was so good, I’m left exhausted and very satisfied.

Oh you want the details? Well, let me delight you. Let’s start from the beginning. 

Before the kickoff, about five minutes before, drama came into play. It was announced Michigan’s Heisman finalist and human specimen, Jabrill Peppers would not be playing. WTF

Uh huh honey, another What The Football moment.

Apparently he sprained something practicing, and everyone felt it was best to not have him play. Am I the only one who felt like the X-files theme song needed to be played?

FSU took the lead well into the fourth quarter, maintaining a two possession margin. FSU savage runner, Dalvin Cook looked like he wanted to show off his skills, and challenge The Rock. We saw who was Cooking tonight.

Michigan looked doomed, and played like it too. Then Hail to the Victors, they decided to show up. These are the things miracles are nearly made of.

Just take this in for a moment. If that doesn’t make your heart flutter and your stomach flip a little, I’m not sure we can continue being friends.

For those of you who would rather read my words of eloquence, allow me type poetry to you.  A pass and nearly impossible catch made by FSU Receiver in the corner of the end zone, vs solid man on man coverage. Next, the FSU field goal attempt is blocked and ran back for a Michigan TD.

It came down to a 32-33 FSU lead, and they won. img_4476

I really don’t think I can sleep tonight realizing tomorrow could hold even more of this deliciousness.

Let’s take a trip down fantasy lane. Tomorrow what is going to happen? Allow me to peer into the depths of prediction.

Alabama vs Washington. 

Look dear hearts, this is serious. I’m considering bowing down on both knees tonight and telling our dearly beloved, I will forego my obsession for Christian and Jimmy in 2017, if UDUB can give the Tide their duces, and tell them they won’t back down. Well now there’s a nice comparison, HC Petersen looks a little like Tom Petty, without the long hair.

Washington will be making their appearance in the daytime, since they usually come alive in the night time #pac12afterdark. Don’t allow the underdog status to fool you.  Their HC, Petersen likes playing the underdog. In fact, he’s played it so well, he took his former team, Boise State to two former BCS Bowl games, winning both leading to undefeated seasons, including upsetting Oklahoma ten years ago.

I too would look away, if I was standing next to Satan Saban in the flesh. screen-shot-2016-12-30-at-11-41-23-pm

Washington has been known for their D this season. After all, they have a linebacker named Psalm Wooching. I’d expect they will be putting a Whooching on Bama’s QB Jalen Hurts, and enveloping him right into their golden box.

We’ve heard about how good Bama’s D is. And since numbers don’t lie, the stats are really impressive. This is where the game will be risky for Washington’s QB Browning. He will need rock solid protection to block off that Bama D.

img_2543Next, Clemson vs Ohio State. This could be a fun time.

I’m already thinking Ohio State advantage. Last season in the National Championship game, otherwise known as the biggest party in the South, Clemson was leading and found a way to lose.

Realize, scoring in college football is easier than scoring on Tinder, so expect this game to be high-scoring. I’m not complaining, I enjoy scoring. Ultimately the Ohio State defense vs Deshawn Watson will be a great matchup. I could see the final score totaling over 75, and it being very tight right until the end.

Cheers,

x|o FFF

Don’t Let Me Down

Last post I caught us up to date on the Playoff picture, that the Jets loss on MNF was my nightmare before Christmas, and I would love a new team as my holiday prezzy. I was also very much looking forward to the game of the year on TNF, the Raiders and Chiefs.

By the powers of the NFL + Twitter, Thursday night meant I could have my nails done, while watching the object of my desire, the Oakland Raiders on my little phone. Technology I cannot live without you.

The Chiefs D made Carr, and all his receiving weapons look like each of them were missing their abilities. I was so impressed. I’m also guilty of not looking much in Travis Kelce’s way, the Chiefs chief TE, so I decided to look up his stats. Google informed me Catching Kelce was not something I was not only yelling telling the Raiders D, but a show on E!

Want to know how much of a reality TV femme I am? Hint, it’s next to none.

Football, yes. The Bachelor, no.

In the near future I’ll post what I like to answer anyone who asks, what’s my favorite position… tight end. They are quite nice, and need to be used more, which lucky for me, have been used in several offenses across the league this season.   tightend_position

It’s always a little dull on Saturdays when the college football season has said bye, I’m leaving for another year. 

I saved up my hopes for Saturday night , that Lamar Jackson would win the Heisman. When he did, I felt like Clark Griswold after his lights finally turn on.

high-west-distillery-yippee-ki-yay-blended-straight-rye-whiskey-utah-usa-10738181This glass is to you Heisman voters, Yippee Ki Yay! No really, the glass I poured to honor the Heisman winner Saturday, really was High West’s Yippee Ki Yay Whiskey. 

Knock, knock…

Who’s there? It’s Lane. Lame? No Lane. Lame?

Yes, very lame, Lane Kiffin

(autocorrect please… don’t stop providing me with endless ideas)

A torched couch by the local Volunteers, in front of his family’s home in Knoxville, can’t keep Lane away from his head coaching dreams. I’m shaking my head, really trying to undress what it is Lane wants… 

I may need to put on a pot of bourbon to help me type through this situation…

Lane provides us an updated persona to associate with #winning.

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He’s had not one, not two, but three, tres, trois – coveted HC positions.

We’ve heard the saying, torch your past bridges to light the one in front of you. Lane has done that with perfection… straight to FAU

It wasn’t enough to be the youngest coach in the NFL coaching the Raiders, and later being called a liar by the owner Al Davis. Lane wasn’t scared, so he was off to charm Tennessee in the SEC. Once that wasn’t working, he chose to leave that one for a more pretty one, named USC. Surprise, surprise that didn’t work out either, as he was left on the tarmac on the plane ride home, without his things, when the pretty one said, this is done.

This is not a recap of your friend’s or my friend’s relations-it. This is the fabulous life of Lame Kiffin. This is the kind of reality TV I enjoy dear hearts.

This is a man who after winning a game, when being asked by the media, acts as though he just arrived in America, and doesn’t quite understand how to speak the english language into a camera. Simply, Borat would give a better post game interview.

Dear Lane, let’s have a little heart to heart and let me make a few points:

a). we’re all done with Saban

b) you have Coach O’s cell number 

c) you’re meant to be a OC at most

d) you’re not HC materiaL 

e) Baton Rouge is full of many pretty southern belle’s… who adore football

f) you’re single now

g) you’re not winning

h In Baton Rouge you would win!

The alphabet is tired , and so am I, and I didn’t run out of more reasons to give…

With these points dear Lane, tell the Owls you’re deeply sorry. You drunk dialed the athletic director, and oops said yes to something you really shouldn’t have. Say thank you, but no thank you. Then hang up and call Coach O. Do it now.

This kitty may need a cat nap after all of that and it’s only Tuesday. Never mind, let’s keep the good times rolling.

Dear Washington HC Peterson you may want to call this guy. He won by two touchdowns in his Bowl Game against your next opponent. Okay it was 2009 and Bama may not have been as loaded as they are now, but my little point is, he and his staff beat the Sabonator. And if you don’t have Sack Lake City on speed dial, may I suggest you do it now. We’re all counting on you to disrupt the path of the Boring Bama dynasty.

Oh the Jets…they won in overtime. (silence) Now, when can I see the GM board the plane and leave everyone on the tarmac to fulfill my Christmas wish? Don’t call me a grinch. This is the intervention us Jets fans need.

Sunday night gave us a glimpse into what may lie ahead for the NFC with the Giants / Cowboys matchup. Although the Cowboys lost, I’ve been impressed every time I watch a little Dak. He takes control, and he can’t do that without solid protection. Control? Protection? I want more… I’m talking about a nice QB and a solid O-line of course. 

Cheers,

x|o FFF