TODAY MAY 20

Dear hearts, yes that is me. Cheers! Join me for eight minutes of pure pleasure discussing one of the best days of the year… WORLD WHISKEY DAY – Yes! Yes! Oh Yes…

Who knew science tasted so good?

Whiskey is also the strong, dark and smooth solution also known as my soulmate specialist during the football season.

Football + Whiskey = perfect combination

Cheers,

FF x|o

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TROUBLE

Oh dear hearts, this off-season is treating us well. Generally after the exciting, fast-paced season, we know things will slow down and move into comfortable territory.

Not this year, and we I like it.

tumblr_mzo6bnftgu1r2buuoo1_500I woke up Saturday, feeling fresh after my previous night’s affair with Balvenie 14 on an LA rooftop with my two lovely ladies, to news: Oklahoma starting QB and Heisman Honey, Baker Mayfield decided in his intoxicated state, outrunning the police in ARKANSAS the same night, would be a fine idea.

I must say it’s a shame, since he was sacked tackled in Arkansas -which if you didn’t know, loathes the Oklahoma Sooners- that Mayfield wasn’t hog tied, thrown in the back of the cop car and had to say “Woo Pig Sooie” via Snapchat the entire ride to the police station.

Okay… not my best fantasy, but one of many.

Let’s pause and shake our heads for a moment. If you’re an OU fan, now would be a good time to pour one neat or put on a pot of bourbon, since this isn’t the only silly thing he’s done while at OU.

Hint, men should never wear spanx or spandex. Oh wait. Men do, at The Combine…

XXX 15-_CLOWNEY.JPGLets chat a minute about The Combine, since it begins this week. Darling it’s silly, yet we watch.The NFL has taken this to an event-like level. It’s ~300 sweaty athletes, wearing spanx, performing football-like activities in March.

I won’t lie to you, yes I want to watch Adoree Jackson, Dalvin Cook and Jabril Peppers. I’ll also watch each of their performances later over a little thing by the name, internet. Watching things live is not in sync with my lifestyle, where I stare at a smaller screen and not a 50″, all the time.

Now, here is the real femme rant. Brace yourselves. I want to see a player play. Not run the forty, catch passes, or bench 225 lbs until he’s given up on life, in a controlled environment.

No. No. No.

I want action! Imagine with me if the combine featured a 7-on-7 over 7 minute drills and rotated out players. I’d like that. In fact, I’d like that very much. It proves to me how that lineman or a specialty player reacts against various players. Also they would be wearing helmets and pads, unlike that svelte material, keeping this more in-touch with reality.

Ultimately I want to see how players react in real-time.  That shows me more, than him jumping 40 feet in the air, or running the 40-yard dash -unless he’s a WR or a Safety-.

Similar drills will also take place during each respective school’s pro day. Also similar drills can be done over practice, which scouts constantly attend during the season.

Don’t try to whisper to me The Combine demonstrates how a prospect handles himself under pressure (silly), or how he reacts to TV-time (again silly). Don’t do it.

Ole Miss is turning into one ole hot mess. Dear hearts, here’s a lesson in life, if you’re going to cheat, it better be: a) well-worth it b) better than what you’ve ever done before c) help you win. Doesn’t appear any of those little points made their way into HC Hugh Freeze & Co’s minds. Welcome to the trouble with college athletics football.

I’ve found it ironic how Ole Miss creeps their way into the Top 25 CFB pre-season rankings, season after season… consistently. Now that can finally stop.

In closing, this lady shed a few tears over the weekend. The Jets released O-lineman Nick Mangold, who not only had a mane of gold, a heart of gold, he also held down and was the whole O-line for the last three seasons. He deserves better, all of us Jets fans should agree.

Cheers,

x|o FFF

Don’t Let Me Down

Last post I caught us up to date on the Playoff picture, that the Jets loss on MNF was my nightmare before Christmas, and I would love a new team as my holiday prezzy. I was also very much looking forward to the game of the year on TNF, the Raiders and Chiefs.

By the powers of the NFL + Twitter, Thursday night meant I could have my nails done, while watching the object of my desire, the Oakland Raiders on my little phone. Technology I cannot live without you.

The Chiefs D made Carr, and all his receiving weapons look like each of them were missing their abilities. I was so impressed. I’m also guilty of not looking much in Travis Kelce’s way, the Chiefs chief TE, so I decided to look up his stats. Google informed me Catching Kelce was not something I was not only yelling telling the Raiders D, but a show on E!

Want to know how much of a reality TV femme I am? Hint, it’s next to none.

Football, yes. The Bachelor, no.

In the near future I’ll post what I like to answer anyone who asks, what’s my favorite position… tight end. They are quite nice, and need to be used more, which lucky for me, have been used in several offenses across the league this season.   tightend_position

It’s always a little dull on Saturdays when the college football season has said bye, I’m leaving for another year. 

I saved up my hopes for Saturday night , that Lamar Jackson would win the Heisman. When he did, I felt like Clark Griswold after his lights finally turn on.

high-west-distillery-yippee-ki-yay-blended-straight-rye-whiskey-utah-usa-10738181This glass is to you Heisman voters, Yippee Ki Yay! No really, the glass I poured to honor the Heisman winner Saturday, really was High West’s Yippee Ki Yay Whiskey. 

Knock, knock…

Who’s there? It’s Lane. Lame? No Lane. Lame?

Yes, very lame, Lane Kiffin

(autocorrect please… don’t stop providing me with endless ideas)

A torched couch by the local Volunteers, in front of his family’s home in Knoxville, can’t keep Lane away from his head coaching dreams. I’m shaking my head, really trying to undress what it is Lane wants… 

I may need to put on a pot of bourbon to help me type through this situation…

Lane provides us an updated persona to associate with #winning.

screen-shot-2016-12-13-at-5-30-59-pm

He’s had not one, not two, but three, tres, trois – coveted HC positions.

We’ve heard the saying, torch your past bridges to light the one in front of you. Lane has done that with perfection… straight to FAU

It wasn’t enough to be the youngest coach in the NFL coaching the Raiders, and later being called a liar by the owner Al Davis. Lane wasn’t scared, so he was off to charm Tennessee in the SEC. Once that wasn’t working, he chose to leave that one for a more pretty one, named USC. Surprise, surprise that didn’t work out either, as he was left on the tarmac on the plane ride home, without his things, when the pretty one said, this is done.

This is not a recap of your friend’s or my friend’s relations-it. This is the fabulous life of Lame Kiffin. This is the kind of reality TV I enjoy dear hearts.

This is a man who after winning a game, when being asked by the media, acts as though he just arrived in America, and doesn’t quite understand how to speak the english language into a camera. Simply, Borat would give a better post game interview.

Dear Lane, let’s have a little heart to heart and let me make a few points:

a). we’re all done with Saban

b) you have Coach O’s cell number 

c) you’re meant to be a OC at most

d) you’re not HC materiaL 

e) Baton Rouge is full of many pretty southern belle’s… who adore football

f) you’re single now

g) you’re not winning

h In Baton Rouge you would win!

The alphabet is tired , and so am I, and I didn’t run out of more reasons to give…

With these points dear Lane, tell the Owls you’re deeply sorry. You drunk dialed the athletic director, and oops said yes to something you really shouldn’t have. Say thank you, but no thank you. Then hang up and call Coach O. Do it now.

This kitty may need a cat nap after all of that and it’s only Tuesday. Never mind, let’s keep the good times rolling.

Dear Washington HC Peterson you may want to call this guy. He won by two touchdowns in his Bowl Game against your next opponent. Okay it was 2009 and Bama may not have been as loaded as they are now, but my little point is, he and his staff beat the Sabonator. And if you don’t have Sack Lake City on speed dial, may I suggest you do it now. We’re all counting on you to disrupt the path of the Boring Bama dynasty.

Oh the Jets…they won in overtime. (silence) Now, when can I see the GM board the plane and leave everyone on the tarmac to fulfill my Christmas wish? Don’t call me a grinch. This is the intervention us Jets fans need.

Sunday night gave us a glimpse into what may lie ahead for the NFC with the Giants / Cowboys matchup. Although the Cowboys lost, I’ve been impressed every time I watch a little Dak. He takes control, and he can’t do that without solid protection. Control? Protection? I want more… I’m talking about a nice QB and a solid O-line of course. 

Cheers,

x|o FFF